So originally I had planned for a natural childbirth in a hospital, but I quickly found out how limited I would be as a VBAC and decided I am too tired and too lonely to fight by myself. If John were here to advocate for me I would probably feel a lot better about the hospital. After Bradley classes and Hypnobabies, I found myself considering home birth over and over again. I can't think of a place I am more comfortable, I would be a basket case if I had to be away from Sylvia, and I want as little intervention as possible to give me the best chance of a VBAC. John was able to attend Bradley with me, and when I mentioned an HBAC, he was suprisingly on board 100%. We did a lot of research and soul-searching together and we were reassured over and over again that HBAC was our best option.
In between there, Sylvia and I moved from Alaska, to West Virginia, to North Carolina, while John stayed in Alaska to get ready for deployment. I have gone from the military hospital, to a natural-minded (fantastic) OB in Alaska (Dr. Elrod), to a CPM in West Virginia, to a CNM here in North Carolina (at about 30 weeks pregnant). Then at 38.5 weeks on a terrible, gut feeling, I transferred care to another CNM.... SHEW!
So here we are! I've been basically following the Brewer Diet, and I have kept up an hour of cardio, 5-6 days a week. Sometimes I go swimming for an extra 30 minutes afterwards. I practice deep (flat-footed) squats and kegels every day, and I am faithfully following the Hypnobabies maintenance program. I also drink 100-120 oz of water a day. I have faith this time that I will be much more at ease with whatever happens because I know that I have prepared myself physically and mentally to the best of my ability. I have educated myself as much as possible, and I have a great birth team that supports and understands my desires.
I had calculated my EDD to be September 2, 2010 based on my LMP, and my chart. My official EDD that my midwife went by was September 7, 2010 based on an early dating ultrasound. I had bouts of contractions on and off for weeks leaving me thinking that I was going to have the baby at any time. They would get regular and strong, mostly in the evenings, but then they would ease off once I went to sleep. Sometimes they would pick back up in the morning, and sometimes they wouldn’t. On September 13, 2010 I lost my mucus plug. On September 14th I came down with a nasty cold that I got from Sylvia. I thought by the next day that I was over the worst of it, but I was definitely still feeling depleted.
I really liked whoever equated it to a wedding when they said to go ahead and plan for at least 3 things to not happen like you planned. I'm going to definitely keep that one in mind. That way hopefully I can laugh to myself and say "ok, that was number one..." haha!
September 15, 2010 at 10:00 am: Well, I have been up since about 2 am with waves 4-5 minutes apart. I went to bed last night and they were around 8-10 minutes but I was able to sleep through most of them. They have become much more intense through the night, so I called my midwife. She came, checked me and the babe and believes I am in early labor (what's new lol). I am 2 cm, and about 50% effaced. Not surprisingly when her and my mom got here, things slowed down quite a bit. So we took Sylvia to daycare, and mom went home and now guess what?! Everything is picking back up lol. She told me that if she were to bet, she would say that I might be calling back by tonight. We'll see I guess. I feel like I have cried wolf so many times haha!! But I just hate to wait it out that one time and then be like "Oh sh** I need you NOW!".
She did give me some eucalyptus (sp?) oil for my stuffy nose and some Emergen-C packets. I don't feel as bad as I did but I still have a terribly stuffy nose.
I know these waves are doing something because the stronger ones make me break out in a sweat and feel nauseous. As soon as they are over I feel great, but for that brief moment when they peak, it has felt much better to stop and breath "ooooooo-pen" or "peace" or something like that. And I have been getting lots of mucus.
I wonder how long all of this will go on for lol. They definitely aren't slacking off this morning like usual.
1:30 pm: I'm still going about every 6 minutes (I was able to take somewhat of a nap). I feel like they are SO intense to only be a little dilated. I guess it is some comfort that they aren't one on top of another. I just keep praying that I am one of those people that is going to make a lot of progress at once when active labor finally kicks in. Keep your fingers crossed for me!
The contractions were making me feel slightly nauseous and sweaty as they peaked, but I felt great in between. By around 7:30 pm, they were still coming about 5 minutes apart, 60 seconds long or more, and had picked up in intensity once I put Sylvia to bed.
September 16th rolls around and I had been up most of the night. I called Donna, my midwife early in the morning again, and Cher came for another visit. I kept trying so hard to rest, even taking Tylenol PM and dozing off for a few minutes, but the contractions were tough and hurting worse when I lay down. I was supposed to have an appointment with Donna in Fayetteville (one hour away) at 10 am, but I called and told her I would not be able to ride in the car for that long. She said she would come to me, and showed up around 10:30 am. She did an exam; I was a stretchy 2 cm, and about 80% effaced. She stripped my membranes and decided to wait for a little while with me to see if I progressed.
Around 2:30 pm, Donna checked again and I was 5 cm, and still not completely effaced. I was so excited at this point because I had made it past where I stopped dilating with Sylvia. This was where my mental block ended. I was proud! Contractions were getting very intense at that point. By 5:30 pm, I was done! I had a mini-meltdown and asked to transfer to the hospital. I was throwing up, shaking, sweating, and all around miserable. The contractions were hard and close. I moaned through every one trying to keep my tones low. I almost refused a cervical check because it had become horrendously painful to lie down or have anyone touch me. Finally, I allowed Donna to check with the promise that she do it very quickly. I was 7 cm! Donna told me I could do this, that I was in transition, and we were close to the end. I kept reminding myself in my head that this was the place I wanted to be… transition… this is when you think you can’t go on any longer, but is normally the shortest phase of labor. I was keeping that number 10 in sight, and I was excited, and scared.
At some point in here, Donna found out that she had another mom going into labor. She asked how I would feel if she left and tried to make it to the birth and then came back to me. I didn’t know how I felt. I can’t remember what I told her, but in my mind I was thinking that if she left, I was heading to the hospital. She had been my rock this whole time; the one keeping me going. She kept telling me over and over again that I could do it, and when I looked into her eyes as she said that, I believed her that I could. I found out later that she actually had three of us who had babies within a 24 hour period.
I got into the birth tub and it was heavenly. At some point, Cher came in to tell me that Donna was not leaving. I thanked her in my mind. I didn’t think I could do it without her. I was the most comfortable leaned with my back against the side of the tub, and my legs stretched out in front. Cher did Reiki and whispered things in my ear. I remember vividly her touch as she ran her hands through my hair and down the back of my neck. We were also doing a lot of homeopathic tablets for things like exhaustion and nausea. I tried different positions and found some relief on my knees, but squatting was so painful! I walked the stairs two at a time. I sat on the ball and rocked. I tailor sat on the sofa. I refused to sit on the toilet. Donna told me that the squat is the position I needed to be in to bring the baby down. I tried but remember it being excruciating. Luckily during this time, contractions spread way apart. I’m not sure how frequent they were but I remember feeling blessed for the break. I thought to myself, if I can only make it to the peak of the contraction, then I will get a break and I can do this. I looked at the pictures of John and I cried willing with everything in me for him to be there. I tried to drink. I tried to eat a popsicle. I kept drifting back to that same position, leaned back against the side of the tub. I felt my head nod off in between contractions. Then they came hard and rocked my whole body.
At 8:30 pm, I was 9 cm. Donna suggested that we could try to break my water to move things along. I told her that I was scared of that since it was a very chaotic experience for me once they broke my water during Sylvia’s labor. But, they broke my water at 2 cm with her, and I was now at 9 cm. I told myself it was a very different situation, and then I agreed. Once my water was broken, I went to about 9.5 cm fairly quickly, with an anterior lip around my cervix. I remember Donna attempting to massage around the lip with some sort of golden colored oil that smelled bad to me. The pain was unbearable though and I wouldn’t allow her to do much. There were points when my body was pushing, and it was totally out of my control. I didn’t even think I was pushing, until I realized the sounds I was making. It did not bring the relief that I have heard so many people speak of. That worried me. I pushed and pushed and pushed with each contraction. I tried standing, squatting, sitting in the tub, sitting on the couch, and the only position I refused still was the toilet. Sitting on the toilet was a living hell for me. I was delirious during contractions and utterly exhausted in between.
Around 11 pm, I had a ton of pressure in my rectum, and I could feel the baby move down. I almost felt like if I felt for him I would be able to feel his head. I couldn’t sit flat on my bottom because of that. I got out for a period and sat on the birth ball. When I got up, there was some brownish discharge. Donna was worried that it may be meconium but I thought it was from the oil she had used to massage my cervix since we did not see meconium in the tub when she broke my water. I got back in the tub and Donna told me to squat. The pain was tremendous and she checked me and monitored the baby. She walked out of the room and Cher told my mom she wanted to see her outside. I asked if I could lie back in the tub in the leaning position and they said yes. I knew something was happening, but I wasn’t sure what.
When they came back in, mom started to explain to me and I stopped her. I told her I knew what was going on. I had an anterior lip on my cervix that was causing it to swell. I was paying attention through the contractions even though it seemed like I was out of it. I was losing dilatation. I told her I didn’t need an explanation; what were the options looking like? Donna said we could try another couple of hours, or we could transfer. I opted for the transfer. I knew what was happening was not a good sign. I was exhausted and scared.
We got to the hospital at 11:30 pm on the 16th. I remember getting out of the car into a wheelchair. I sat there slumped like a zombie with my eyes closed. The ER admissions person told mom that she would have to fill out a whole bunch of paperwork before they could get me in. She told him she wouldn’t do it that I was 41 weeks pregnant, completely dilated, and needed to get to L&D immediately. He began to argue back with her right about the time that I started having a contraction. I was pushing in a wheelchair at the admissions desk in front of everybody, and I didn’t care! I couldn’t help it; my body was doing it by itself. About 2 seconds later somebody came out the door and whisked me to L&D.
Once I was up there, they stuck me at least 8 times and blew my veins trying to get an IV started. I was extremely dehydrated. They did blood work and my white blood count came back high; around 21,000. The baby had done well up until this point and began having some late heart-rate decelerations. I begged to get off my back and at least sit up in bed. Lying down was unbearable. They kept telling me no and finally I sat up anyways.
During this time the OB on call decided to confront Donna at the foot of my bed as I was laboring hard, and she was not backing down to him. They were bantering back and forth at each other and I was screaming at them in my head to get out of my room, but all I could do was moan and push through each contraction. He questioned her credentials, and told her what a terrible position she had put him in. While he came across as a total jerk, I was also very aware that he was afraid that somehow I had been led into all of this by them and wasn’t aware of everything that was going on. Oddly enough, I almost found that endearing. Thankfully my mom stepped in. The one person who was my biggest adversary in the beginning suddenly turned into my strongest advocate. She explained that I was very well educated, and aware of all of the choices that I had made. She said that she understood his concerns, as did I, but that it didn’t change anything that was happening, that we were there, and we needed to decide what to do next.
The tone changed from that point and he approached me and attempted to engage me in conversation as much as I was able. He explained that I could receive an epidural and labor down but he was concerned about the decels, the high white blood cell count, and the swelling of my cervix, as well as the meconium. So it was meconium. He said that he would feel much more comfortable going ahead with the c-section, but that he would let me make the decision as long as I understood everything. I told him that I was comfortable with whatever his recommendation was and if he was at all concerned about the baby, then I wanted to go ahead with the c-section.
Shortly after the conversation, I was wheeled back into the OR and given a spinal. I was so scared that it wouldn’t work (like when my epidural failed with Sylvia and they had to put me under general anesthesia), but it took effect almost immediately. My mom was able to come back with me, and I asked the doctor to explain to me what he was doing. He was giving way too much detail, so I told him to just give me the basics, and that’s what he did.
At 12:59 am, on September 17, 2010, Justus Brooks graced us with his presence. He came out hollering with APGARs of 9 and 9. He was 7 lbs 12 oz and 19 ¼ inches long. He did have moderate to thick meconium and the cord was wrapped around his neck, and turns out he was totally posterior. The doctor spent a lot of time repairing my incision and everyone says it looks wonderful. I received stitches instead of staples this time, and the pain has been far less because of that, though my body felt like it had been hit by a few trucks after laboring for so long. I think the muscle pain in my abs and back was worse than the incision pain in the beginning. And I got all the fun stuff like a very sore pubic area and bone, and hemorrhoids.
After nearly 48 hours of labor, and a planned homebirth turned hospital transfer, I have been blessed with another perfect baby. I went into this experience knowing that if another c-section was needed, that it would not be from lack of education or preparation on my part, and I am completely at peace with everything (sometimes). I am so proud of myself for making it as far as I did and I now know that I can dilate. Next time, I’ll get my VBAC, but for now I am absolutely enjoying my precious new baby boy.
In between there, Sylvia and I moved from Alaska, to West Virginia, to North Carolina, while John stayed in Alaska to get ready for deployment. I have gone from the military hospital, to a natural-minded (fantastic) OB in Alaska (Dr. Elrod), to a CPM in West Virginia, to a CNM here in North Carolina (at about 30 weeks pregnant). Then at 38.5 weeks on a terrible, gut feeling, I transferred care to another CNM.... SHEW!
So here we are! I've been basically following the Brewer Diet, and I have kept up an hour of cardio, 5-6 days a week. Sometimes I go swimming for an extra 30 minutes afterwards. I practice deep (flat-footed) squats and kegels every day, and I am faithfully following the Hypnobabies maintenance program. I also drink 100-120 oz of water a day. I have faith this time that I will be much more at ease with whatever happens because I know that I have prepared myself physically and mentally to the best of my ability. I have educated myself as much as possible, and I have a great birth team that supports and understands my desires.
I had calculated my EDD to be September 2, 2010 based on my LMP, and my chart. My official EDD that my midwife went by was September 7, 2010 based on an early dating ultrasound. I had bouts of contractions on and off for weeks leaving me thinking that I was going to have the baby at any time. They would get regular and strong, mostly in the evenings, but then they would ease off once I went to sleep. Sometimes they would pick back up in the morning, and sometimes they wouldn’t. On September 13, 2010 I lost my mucus plug. On September 14th I came down with a nasty cold that I got from Sylvia. I thought by the next day that I was over the worst of it, but I was definitely still feeling depleted.
I really liked whoever equated it to a wedding when they said to go ahead and plan for at least 3 things to not happen like you planned. I'm going to definitely keep that one in mind. That way hopefully I can laugh to myself and say "ok, that was number one..." haha!
September 15, 2010 at 10:00 am: Well, I have been up since about 2 am with waves 4-5 minutes apart. I went to bed last night and they were around 8-10 minutes but I was able to sleep through most of them. They have become much more intense through the night, so I called my midwife. She came, checked me and the babe and believes I am in early labor (what's new lol). I am 2 cm, and about 50% effaced. Not surprisingly when her and my mom got here, things slowed down quite a bit. So we took Sylvia to daycare, and mom went home and now guess what?! Everything is picking back up lol. She told me that if she were to bet, she would say that I might be calling back by tonight. We'll see I guess. I feel like I have cried wolf so many times haha!! But I just hate to wait it out that one time and then be like "Oh sh** I need you NOW!".
She did give me some eucalyptus (sp?) oil for my stuffy nose and some Emergen-C packets. I don't feel as bad as I did but I still have a terribly stuffy nose.
I know these waves are doing something because the stronger ones make me break out in a sweat and feel nauseous. As soon as they are over I feel great, but for that brief moment when they peak, it has felt much better to stop and breath "ooooooo-pen" or "peace" or something like that. And I have been getting lots of mucus.
I wonder how long all of this will go on for lol. They definitely aren't slacking off this morning like usual.
1:30 pm: I'm still going about every 6 minutes (I was able to take somewhat of a nap). I feel like they are SO intense to only be a little dilated. I guess it is some comfort that they aren't one on top of another. I just keep praying that I am one of those people that is going to make a lot of progress at once when active labor finally kicks in. Keep your fingers crossed for me!
The contractions were making me feel slightly nauseous and sweaty as they peaked, but I felt great in between. By around 7:30 pm, they were still coming about 5 minutes apart, 60 seconds long or more, and had picked up in intensity once I put Sylvia to bed.
September 16th rolls around and I had been up most of the night. I called Donna, my midwife early in the morning again, and Cher came for another visit. I kept trying so hard to rest, even taking Tylenol PM and dozing off for a few minutes, but the contractions were tough and hurting worse when I lay down. I was supposed to have an appointment with Donna in Fayetteville (one hour away) at 10 am, but I called and told her I would not be able to ride in the car for that long. She said she would come to me, and showed up around 10:30 am. She did an exam; I was a stretchy 2 cm, and about 80% effaced. She stripped my membranes and decided to wait for a little while with me to see if I progressed.
Around 2:30 pm, Donna checked again and I was 5 cm, and still not completely effaced. I was so excited at this point because I had made it past where I stopped dilating with Sylvia. This was where my mental block ended. I was proud! Contractions were getting very intense at that point. By 5:30 pm, I was done! I had a mini-meltdown and asked to transfer to the hospital. I was throwing up, shaking, sweating, and all around miserable. The contractions were hard and close. I moaned through every one trying to keep my tones low. I almost refused a cervical check because it had become horrendously painful to lie down or have anyone touch me. Finally, I allowed Donna to check with the promise that she do it very quickly. I was 7 cm! Donna told me I could do this, that I was in transition, and we were close to the end. I kept reminding myself in my head that this was the place I wanted to be… transition… this is when you think you can’t go on any longer, but is normally the shortest phase of labor. I was keeping that number 10 in sight, and I was excited, and scared.
At some point in here, Donna found out that she had another mom going into labor. She asked how I would feel if she left and tried to make it to the birth and then came back to me. I didn’t know how I felt. I can’t remember what I told her, but in my mind I was thinking that if she left, I was heading to the hospital. She had been my rock this whole time; the one keeping me going. She kept telling me over and over again that I could do it, and when I looked into her eyes as she said that, I believed her that I could. I found out later that she actually had three of us who had babies within a 24 hour period.
I got into the birth tub and it was heavenly. At some point, Cher came in to tell me that Donna was not leaving. I thanked her in my mind. I didn’t think I could do it without her. I was the most comfortable leaned with my back against the side of the tub, and my legs stretched out in front. Cher did Reiki and whispered things in my ear. I remember vividly her touch as she ran her hands through my hair and down the back of my neck. We were also doing a lot of homeopathic tablets for things like exhaustion and nausea. I tried different positions and found some relief on my knees, but squatting was so painful! I walked the stairs two at a time. I sat on the ball and rocked. I tailor sat on the sofa. I refused to sit on the toilet. Donna told me that the squat is the position I needed to be in to bring the baby down. I tried but remember it being excruciating. Luckily during this time, contractions spread way apart. I’m not sure how frequent they were but I remember feeling blessed for the break. I thought to myself, if I can only make it to the peak of the contraction, then I will get a break and I can do this. I looked at the pictures of John and I cried willing with everything in me for him to be there. I tried to drink. I tried to eat a popsicle. I kept drifting back to that same position, leaned back against the side of the tub. I felt my head nod off in between contractions. Then they came hard and rocked my whole body.
At 8:30 pm, I was 9 cm. Donna suggested that we could try to break my water to move things along. I told her that I was scared of that since it was a very chaotic experience for me once they broke my water during Sylvia’s labor. But, they broke my water at 2 cm with her, and I was now at 9 cm. I told myself it was a very different situation, and then I agreed. Once my water was broken, I went to about 9.5 cm fairly quickly, with an anterior lip around my cervix. I remember Donna attempting to massage around the lip with some sort of golden colored oil that smelled bad to me. The pain was unbearable though and I wouldn’t allow her to do much. There were points when my body was pushing, and it was totally out of my control. I didn’t even think I was pushing, until I realized the sounds I was making. It did not bring the relief that I have heard so many people speak of. That worried me. I pushed and pushed and pushed with each contraction. I tried standing, squatting, sitting in the tub, sitting on the couch, and the only position I refused still was the toilet. Sitting on the toilet was a living hell for me. I was delirious during contractions and utterly exhausted in between.
Around 11 pm, I had a ton of pressure in my rectum, and I could feel the baby move down. I almost felt like if I felt for him I would be able to feel his head. I couldn’t sit flat on my bottom because of that. I got out for a period and sat on the birth ball. When I got up, there was some brownish discharge. Donna was worried that it may be meconium but I thought it was from the oil she had used to massage my cervix since we did not see meconium in the tub when she broke my water. I got back in the tub and Donna told me to squat. The pain was tremendous and she checked me and monitored the baby. She walked out of the room and Cher told my mom she wanted to see her outside. I asked if I could lie back in the tub in the leaning position and they said yes. I knew something was happening, but I wasn’t sure what.
When they came back in, mom started to explain to me and I stopped her. I told her I knew what was going on. I had an anterior lip on my cervix that was causing it to swell. I was paying attention through the contractions even though it seemed like I was out of it. I was losing dilatation. I told her I didn’t need an explanation; what were the options looking like? Donna said we could try another couple of hours, or we could transfer. I opted for the transfer. I knew what was happening was not a good sign. I was exhausted and scared.
We got to the hospital at 11:30 pm on the 16th. I remember getting out of the car into a wheelchair. I sat there slumped like a zombie with my eyes closed. The ER admissions person told mom that she would have to fill out a whole bunch of paperwork before they could get me in. She told him she wouldn’t do it that I was 41 weeks pregnant, completely dilated, and needed to get to L&D immediately. He began to argue back with her right about the time that I started having a contraction. I was pushing in a wheelchair at the admissions desk in front of everybody, and I didn’t care! I couldn’t help it; my body was doing it by itself. About 2 seconds later somebody came out the door and whisked me to L&D.
Once I was up there, they stuck me at least 8 times and blew my veins trying to get an IV started. I was extremely dehydrated. They did blood work and my white blood count came back high; around 21,000. The baby had done well up until this point and began having some late heart-rate decelerations. I begged to get off my back and at least sit up in bed. Lying down was unbearable. They kept telling me no and finally I sat up anyways.
During this time the OB on call decided to confront Donna at the foot of my bed as I was laboring hard, and she was not backing down to him. They were bantering back and forth at each other and I was screaming at them in my head to get out of my room, but all I could do was moan and push through each contraction. He questioned her credentials, and told her what a terrible position she had put him in. While he came across as a total jerk, I was also very aware that he was afraid that somehow I had been led into all of this by them and wasn’t aware of everything that was going on. Oddly enough, I almost found that endearing. Thankfully my mom stepped in. The one person who was my biggest adversary in the beginning suddenly turned into my strongest advocate. She explained that I was very well educated, and aware of all of the choices that I had made. She said that she understood his concerns, as did I, but that it didn’t change anything that was happening, that we were there, and we needed to decide what to do next.
The tone changed from that point and he approached me and attempted to engage me in conversation as much as I was able. He explained that I could receive an epidural and labor down but he was concerned about the decels, the high white blood cell count, and the swelling of my cervix, as well as the meconium. So it was meconium. He said that he would feel much more comfortable going ahead with the c-section, but that he would let me make the decision as long as I understood everything. I told him that I was comfortable with whatever his recommendation was and if he was at all concerned about the baby, then I wanted to go ahead with the c-section.
Shortly after the conversation, I was wheeled back into the OR and given a spinal. I was so scared that it wouldn’t work (like when my epidural failed with Sylvia and they had to put me under general anesthesia), but it took effect almost immediately. My mom was able to come back with me, and I asked the doctor to explain to me what he was doing. He was giving way too much detail, so I told him to just give me the basics, and that’s what he did.
At 12:59 am, on September 17, 2010, Justus Brooks graced us with his presence. He came out hollering with APGARs of 9 and 9. He was 7 lbs 12 oz and 19 ¼ inches long. He did have moderate to thick meconium and the cord was wrapped around his neck, and turns out he was totally posterior. The doctor spent a lot of time repairing my incision and everyone says it looks wonderful. I received stitches instead of staples this time, and the pain has been far less because of that, though my body felt like it had been hit by a few trucks after laboring for so long. I think the muscle pain in my abs and back was worse than the incision pain in the beginning. And I got all the fun stuff like a very sore pubic area and bone, and hemorrhoids.
After nearly 48 hours of labor, and a planned homebirth turned hospital transfer, I have been blessed with another perfect baby. I went into this experience knowing that if another c-section was needed, that it would not be from lack of education or preparation on my part, and I am completely at peace with everything (sometimes). I am so proud of myself for making it as far as I did and I now know that I can dilate. Next time, I’ll get my VBAC, but for now I am absolutely enjoying my precious new baby boy.
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